Trying to be the better person...

Drama seems to be my SIL's middle name, and for the most part I try to avoid it.  As I mentioned, she finds herself "miraculously" pregnant by accident.  Who knows what her long term plans are with the baby daddy - I know they plan to be together, but I refuse to ask about the band ring she is wearing these days (my guess is so the people around her, namely her bible beater friends, and thos ein the hospital don't judge her for having a child out of wedlock - given her Christian "rebirth" its kinda taboo! Yet her bf's are all gay men - but that's a whole other story...).  Again not my issue so, to each his own.  By no means does it bother me...

My MIL called last night and asked for my input on wording of invites and help with favors and games.  And I LOVE her so I cannot and did not say no.  Instead I am taking the bull by the horns, I volunteered to totally do the invites (from start to finish), am looking at favors and games, and even have a number of ideas for "gender netural" themes....given they are not finding out the sex of the baby.  So despite the recent issues with her, her brother and I are jumping in headfirst.  I know that there will be little to no return, but at least it will alleviate some of my MIL's pressure and headache.  And at least I know she will be grateful...

The Ungrateful...

So dear SIL is about 5.5 months along now.  She came down this weekend to buy my Jeep from my husband and I to accommodate her growing family (her used sebring is a POS and unsafe for a new baby she says).  We gave a her a deal - even put new tires on the darn car, because we knew they were needed.  And by new, I mean I literally drove home form the store and parked the car in the garage until she took it.  We sold it to her undervalue.  Prior to her "needs" we hadn't even been discussing a new car for me.  DH had a new Ford we had just bought, plus we had just moved, so it was not in our plans at all.  Once she announced her pregnancy though, DH being the dear brother he is, wanted to help her, since she said the financial picture was bleak.  We could afford a small car payment so I got a small, basic SUV and sold her my loaded Jeep.  Fast forward to this weekend...when she repeatedly said she would never buy a car privately again, it was just too stressful (despite DH's strict instructions on what to do, since he has been in the business for 7+ years - which she totally ignored).  Then I hadn't finished cleaning the car when she arrived - I had vaccuumed it and emptied it a bit each day when I got home, before DH and the twins got home - while still making dinner and walking the dog.  So I finished cleaning it - then she wiped it down and vaccuumed it again (while breaknig my vaccuum), then went home to NY where she complained to her mom (my wonderful MIL) that it wasn't cleaned for her.  Of course she also didn't mention the 2 bags of materniy clothes that MY friends gave her, the giant box of blankets and towels we gave, the almost new pack and play, the tub full of Dr. Brown's bottles and drying racks, the tub of baby clothes and all the toys we gave her.  You know that ones I could have given to charity for a tax write off.  I have no doubt today she will mention to DH what we found out from FIL, that the Jeep needs a new brake booster, which I am sure she will want DH to chip in for. 

You know she told my MIL all this while MIL was chauffering her around to doctor's appointments.  She got MIL to volunteer to drive her while the Jeep was inpsected for NY registration....she told her about the sonogram appointment....she forgot to mention before that she had to go to her oncologist in a totally different part of the state (a completely different county).  My MIL left her house at 10am to meet her for "a doctor's appt" and did not get home until after 5 pm.  Her entire day was shot.  No consideration into if MIL had plans or errands to run.  Oh and the best part...she neglected to mention the pln that she shared with DH and I...that her and her baby daddy were going to buy 4 - yes 4 - car seat bases....for one child.  One for her, one for the baby daddy, one for baby daddy's brothers car, and one for MIL...because if there is an emergecny or the baby is sick, they will have to pick up the baby.  I pointed out that if it was an emergency, then one of them would really want to be the one to pick the baby up.  And if it was sick, one of the "emergency contacts" could swing by their cars and get a base... we made it through 2.5 years with 2 kids and our emergency contact never needed a base or even to pick up our kids.  But what the heck do we know, right?  DH shared the "car seat base" planw ith MIL....she was none too happy. 

Of course, I am leaving out the way she insulted me within being in my house five minutes, or the way she was rude to my friends, and pretty much ignored my kids, who she "loves so much."  But I did get to hear plenty about her baby shower... the one she wants to know nothing about, and that she isn't expecting much.  BS. 

After this weekend, DH swears he is never helping her again...I told him yeah, until next time.  He will help her again, he always does because that is who he is and he loves his family unconditionally.  And I will warn him all over again about how ungrateful he she will be and how hurt he will be... and so the cycle continues.

Less than bubkiss...

I understand that Valentine's Day is a commercial holiday, full of commercial crap and fluff and it does not mean that much in reality.  And I was ok with getting bubkiss...but I managed to get less than bubkiss.  It's kinda important in our relationship, because 14 years ago yesterday was when we started dating.  3 years and 2 days ago, our children were conceived (in a petri dish, but still)... So it wasn't so much Valentine's Day, that I needed chocolates or flowers or some grand gesture.  Even just a simple, "Hey Happy Valentine's Day!" or even a mention of the past 14 years of our life...when he had been talking about V-day nonstop for weeks... but nothing.  Less than nothing as I say- because he told me what he going to do but didn't do.  He was going to go to Cold Stone and get a cake - but did you know the closest one to work is in a mall, and that's just silly.  And the one closest to our house is also in a mall.  Ok but you went out and bought lotto tickets for your coworkers becasue they had a work party...you couldn't have grapped a chocolate bar, or some cheesy plastic rose - just to say hey, thanks for the last 14 years. 

Hey he made me dinner right? Never mind it was his might because yesterday was teh day he decided to start carpooling with his boss, so I had to do drop off and pick up with the kids.  So he made quesadillas....and frozen braised beef tortelloni...because those sound appetizing together.  He asked me where the flowers came from (2 carnations and a small box of chcolate hearts). I told him the people at work at least gave me a valentine.

So not even a mention all day, not an I love you - nothing.  So I go to bed, stewing a bit.  And he says - "are you mad I didn't put some status on facebook?" (In reference to the small token I did that morning, thanking him for the past 14 years, etc).  I said, "Hey, it would have been something." and I went to sleep.  This morning he acts like his same old self.

Is it wrong that for 2 seconds I was hoping you would recognize me. Recognize the woman I am. The mother of your children, who works full time, does pretty much 85-90% of the work around the house, and does about 75% of the taking care of the kids.  Was I that deluded to think that I might warrant some sort of thank you, or even I love you. I guess so.  And he honestly has no idea how much that hurt.

The journey has kept moving...

We moved into our forever house!!  We have renters in our townhouse... they are set through 2.5 years, hopefully we can sell it then... Lots has happened too... the evil one is preggers through some miracle... her mom is sooooo not happy, but hearing her mom validated all my concerns, and that I am not just an evil bitch.  She is def older, the dad is WAYYYYYY older...and they make more money than DH and I combined but all you hear is how poor they are.  Its disturbing.  And DH decided to sell her my car...which will accommodate her spawn...and allowed me to get a new car.  I got a basic Rav4. Nothing fancy...no bells or whistles, but I love it. Don't get me wrong I LOVED my Compass...and I cry over not having heated seats.  But it's for the better and really fits me and the kids much better getting around town now that they are getting bigger.

Can you believe they are almost 2 and a half! M. can count all the way to 11 all by herself, and sings her ABC's too.. B. is def the quieter one, but is fiercely protective of his big sister. They are actually in different rooms at day care now...they only had one spot in the potty training room - but I actually think it's good for them. M. was ready for the challenge, whereas I think B. likes to be in charge now that M. is out of the room.  So I do think it will be good for both of them.  M. occasionally uses the potty, it would be nice if it was more often, but baby steps right?  B. on the other hand cries when he is on the potty.  Silly boy.  Just not ready yet.

Meanwhile, I thank God every day how lucky I am.  Especially as one dear friend was recently diagnosed with 2 types of breast cancer and starts her healing journey. A co-worker's mom just had a radical hysterectomy and lost half of her bowel to ovarian cancer.  A third friend just entered the hospital today with her 2 year old who is being treated for a rare cancer of the nervous system - 2 months of a bone marrow transplant starts today. He won't touch grass or the beach again for at least that long. I am in awe of each and every one of these people...how strong they are. How wonderful they are. How lucky I am.

If you can, say a prayer for my peeps today...I think they could really use the extra blessings right now...

Karma??

So the house fell through, it was a big ole' mess and it just did not work out.  We went out in a last ditch effort to see what was left in the area...and found an even better house. And we put an offer in.  Now we are waiting to hear...and while we are waiting we hear from our prospective rentors...who saw our readvertisement and still haven't found some place, and still love our town house, and could postpone their move date a bit...  but we need to hear if our offer was accepted... if there ever was a time to pray and believe in things working out for good people, now would be the time I ask for your prayers, thoughts, crossed fingers and toes...  we should hear by the end of today... so much for my anxiety going away!

First a rant...

Ok so first I am going to post a bit of a rant.  I have this "friend" from way back when.  Love(d) her dearly... always been supportive (from a distance because we live 300 miles apart), total facebook friends, used to be friends in high school - had her at my kids 1st birthday party even!

At that party, she was with a guy - a great guy. Eventually she ended up pregnant - they broke up, accroding to her, him not supportive at all. Found out through another friend, SHE stopped taking the pill and never told him. Also SHE beat the crap out of awesome dude. He was hesitant to parent with her, she apparently was crazy after all, and voiced his opinion to terminate said pregnancy.  She did not and continued with the pregnancy. Totally supported her (though didn't know all the details until partly through the pregnancy, but whatev, was supportive). At the same time, when awesome dude came around he came all the way around and wanted (wants) to be part of baby dude's life.  She has made his life hell and made it difficult for him to do so.  Regardless, that's their problem. I support both of them (though not really friend with him, totally support him for joint custody). 

All that aside, she made the decision not to circumsize her son, and to exclusively breast feed.  Good for her, again I support her choices.  They are her choices to make.  She has no job - food stamps and welfare support her.  Ok fine but she just finished a surgical tech program and has a marketable skill that is easily employable.  Again, her decisions, I can deal and shut up.  Yet now I am tempted to delete her as a friend on facebook because she has now become a soap box woman.  All her activity is now centered around talking about how circumscion is abusing children and the people who choose to do so are barbarians. And that people who use formula and don;t want to breast feed in public are evil.  Her son is 12 weeks old and she has become some expert on these topics in that time.  I am all for her having her own opinion and all...and she has never and I don;t think would ever, publicly attack another woman - but I circumscized my son (well the surgeon did) and I used formula. I stopped breast feeding about 12 weeks in for a number of different reasons.  Needless to say her rants are what made mothers like me suffer for weeks with postpartum depression in order to breast feed my twins.  She is the reason people like me feel like less of a woman.  And again, I support her choices - she is free to choose whatever, but is it wrong of me to be upset that she spouts this crap? Isn't this what is wrong with the whole debate to begin with?

Ok, I think that is the end of my rant.  In other news, we are under contract on a house. Our inspection is tentatively set for tomorrow and I still have not heard if it's a final and absolute go so I am nervous. And we found a family that wants to rent our house. And my family is in the process of arriving for the kids second birthday party this weekend. And I have to sit in on interviews for a new position in my office tomorrow.  I think I might lose it at any moment... oh and I have a wicked cold!!  Should be a fun week?!

scared, nervous, excited...

It seems the planets might actually be aligning for us.  We found a house we loved...it was out of our price range.  We gave them a lowball offer.  They verbally countered with a bunch of ridiculous conditions and an amount a tad higher than we wanted to go.  Once my agent talked to theirs and their agent pounded some sense into them, the removed pretty much all their conditions when they submitted their written counter...but stayed at the same price, which when I say is a tad over our price, I mean literally...$2000 over. We can live with $2000 over, since it's still technically in our approval range.  And we still get our inspection and the ability to come back pending its results.

We are going over on Saturday to walk through again, and do a closer look...before making a final decision to accept.  OMG? Did we just get the house of our dreams?