And now we wait...

We found the perfect house.  Perfect.  It's more than enough room for my family to live in, and host holidays, and even have my parents move in, if and when they ever need to.  It would be my forever home.

We got approved for about 87% of the costs... our mortgage would cover 87%.... and my parents agreed to help us come up with the down payment...but that amount just got a bit bigger than we anticipated.... smaller than our worst fear, but bigger than what we originally thought.... so now we present the options to my parents...and we wait to find out how much they can swing.... and if it's too much, then we are done for now.  I can't take this again... we will wait at least another year to even start looking.  Part of me hopes my parents say it isn't doable for them, because they have given me everything I ever could have dreamed of in my life....and I feel like a shlub and a horrible person for even asking... and part of me prays they say yes, because it would give me a place that they could come to anytime they needed. 

So that's where we are....and now we wait.

Hope...

So after being frustrated, having a miserable week at work, and two tantrum throwing almost two-year old toddlers at home, it's nice to have something to be hopeful about. (Side note, I love my babies and count my blessings for them every day, but just because I was infertile, it's hard to deal with the screaming for 3 hours straight and can be a bit depressing).  Today I asked my parents if they would be willing to help us with a down payment on a new (to us) house.  To be fair in the interest of disclosure, we already own a three story townhome, which we bought at the tail end of the housing boom and still owe more than its worth.  We made our own down payment then... and we could wait a few years to buy a house and sell it and buy a new house, but the deals that are out there now are hard to pass up.  We are looking at basically buying the home we will live in for the rest of our lives...and since our parents are not getting any younger, the thought of needing to take care of them does play in my head, and their just is no room to do so in our current home. Plus the twins love visitng other peoples home where they have room to run - no real running room when each floor is about 6-700 square feet and a postage stamp yard.

When we bought our home, the presumption and intent was to stay there for 5-7 years and move into our "family" house - ie where we would raise our kids.  The current market makes selling our current home a far cry from reality....however, if we rent it, we can probably get a bit more than our mortgage, HOA and escrow cost.  So it wouldn't really be a loss.  And we live right near a military base where the realignment is set to ramp up numbers even more...so its not like we don't have a rental market. 

Anyway, I emailed my parents this morning, because if they are willing to help us, depending on how much they are willing could mean the diference between move in ready with all the bells and whistles to needing a lot of work!!  My mother already replied that her and my dad would discuss, but wanted some numbers to know what we were talking...so it appears they are at least willing to consider helping us.  So right now, I am going to hopeful that this might work out, and we might be able to host a Christmas or Thanksgiving without putting people in the backyard to eat!!

Frustrated

I feel like I am a hamster stuck in a wheel, running at top speed and just getting no where.  We decided we would start looking at houses, the kids need room to run and the townhouse ain't cutting it.  We found one we loved, but it was under contract in 2 days. Then we found one we really liked...but found out that because it wouldn't be our first home purchase, the money we were banking on from our tanking IRA can't be used. Adam really wants me to ask my parents, but they have done soooooo much for us, I am completely uncomfortable with this. 

When he got his new job, it was after 4 months of unemployment, which ate most of our savings, plus the salary was less than he was making.  Plus he is back in school - community college, but tuition and books cost just the same.  I get my raise in April, but it doesn't seem like it will be enough.  So now he is ready to call it all off and just wait until the kids are like in 6th grade.  Which makes me sad, because they are so happy when they have room to run around and just be kids. Now he is talking about trading back his new car to save money - which I totally disagree with. You made the purchase, I am not throwing money away because you changed your mind - in the long run it would cost less to keep the car til it dies!

It just sucks that somehow we do everything right, we follow the rules, we do the right things and somehow we are still in the hole,  - we could start to carry a balance on our credit cards to save money, but that's just giving more money away.  I don't know what to do.  Meanwhile, I watch friends and family - with the Iphones and fancy vacations who also collect food stamps, and have no visible means of support. Somehow they are able to do all the things I want to do for my family...all while I do all the right things, and am still wearing underwear from when I got married 6 years ago... it is just so frustrating!!

Additional info after this most recent post....a good friend of the family died today. It seems we will be headed to NY in the next few days for his burial.  He had stage 4 prostate cancer, and made it for 2 whole years...this morning they gave him days to live so we started trying to figure out our best plan for the inevitable...then we got the call that he had passed. So sad for his wife and daughter...at the same time glad he is now enjoying his sweet heavenly peace...I hope my Grandparents welcomed him with open arms.  What a stinky day.

IF sucks.

As we struggled with infertility for years, I never remotely thought another members of my family would endure similar issues. The fact that I am finding out now that a precious loved one is having similar issues, and just experienced a devastating loss, it kills me. It makes me hate infertility as much as I did before we overcame it, except more. 

I get that if we want another baby, we will likely have to go through all the same medications and interventions. I get that we may experience loss again. I am ok with that for me. I am not ok with it for others. I hate that couples everywhere are still struggling with this. I hate that deserving men and woman ache for a child and sometimes cannot see that dream realized. I hate that there are people so careless that they toss children aside while others ache so desparately for them. 

It's not fair. I wish I could be there for her and hug her as she cries on my shoulder. At the same time, I don't know if she even wants me to listen.  I have reached out and offered my support from someone who does understand it from the other side...I just hope she takes it.  Helping others with this is really the only way I feel like I am doing something about it.

Inconsiderate arses...

We live in a touristy area.  We have the only "grandbabies/niece/nephew."  As a result, people - family mostly - visit us frequently.  Ok, my family visits frequently.  My sister (who is my bestie!!), we see each other once a month usually...at least.  She comes down more frequently - for convenience - easier to travel without two toddlers and a dog!  Well my sister-in-law (SIL) has decided to grace us with her presence. With her new boyfriend (14 years older than her and closer in age to her parents, but whatever, right?).  She's not particularly considerate though. 

She took next week off - so her boyfriend could move into her house.  They are coming here Friday and leaving Sunday night.  They have to drive through Jersey - on the turnpike - during summer.  And by her planning during peak hours.  We tried to advise her to leave early on Friday. But no. They planned to leave at 2pm.  Normally would put them here around 7. Except its summer. And they have to drive through Jersey. On the turnpike...anyone see where I am going with this? Hello beach traffic!! The didn't leave eat 2. At 11:15am, found out they were running late. Would leave at 2:30. They actually left at 3:30. A. bet they would arrive before 9. My sister had 9:17pm, I picked after 10pm.  I think I might be the winner.

So now we have family arriving well after their scheduled time.  Add to that, 2 toddlers who in the past 2 weeks have not slept past 530am.  Not even on weekends. So now we get to stay up late and wait for them. Then get up early while they sleep. My sister would getup when we get up, since she is coming to see the kids - she works around their schedule.  My SIL, not so much. She offered to make us breakfast...sometime after 830am.  Umm except I will have been up for approximately 3 hours by then. Gee thanks. Can ya? 

Ps - She sent us a grocery list for her ginourmous ass.  (And I am quite literal when I say GINORMOUS!) She's also cheap as hell. A. thinks she will buy us a meal at some point.  I beg to differ.

PPS - When she watched the kids with her mom while A. and I were at a wedding...she took a break. To read a book.  Gee, you mean the kids gave you a break. No!  The kids grandma did it herself...while she took a break. Because she was tired. Are you effing kidding me? 

PPSS - Remind me sometime to tell the story about how she isn't a Godparent - and the hell and fury that decision caused in her selfish ass.  Special.

I plan to have a glass of wine or alcohol in my hands at all times this weekend.  At least my parents come on Tuesday...they buy me the liquor!

unplanned changes...

We had no intention of looking a house, no intention of moving for at least a few years...yet there it is, our dream house. For sale.  For a dream price. Really? It has to be too good to be true?  There is no way in hell it could be real.  Yet here we are, with a call in to our agent to get us more info.  It's only been on the market 9 days, its a potential short sale.  Could we really get out unplanned shit together? Can I really pull a magical rabbit out of my hat? Even in the best case, it will take a lot of stars to align, a lot of groveling and pleading to get what we need. 

It is too good to be true, and that doesn't happen for us....or does it?

Now she's done it...

I should have known Friday was heading in the wrong direction... left work early to put the toddler beds together. This cute little pink lady loves to climb out and entertain her brother in the morning.  So to avoid injury, we were making the switch.  When I went to put them together, they ordered the wrong damn rails.  Despite my ordering from the furniture manager, despite describing in detail that we do not have the fancy cribs that turn into full size beds, despite all that effort, they ordered the wrong effing rails.  And of course I did not know this until after I attempted to be townhouse aware, and toss the boxes on garbage day.  Luckily, the manager admitted it was her error. Two sets of rails have been located and are being Fed Ex'd today.

That still does not explain this lovely pink lady.  M. decided to fight with the twisty slide on Friday.  She lost.  But really it was a weird freakish acident, and she was actually fine for a good half hour after, playing and running around the playground.  But then she tried to climb and started to cry. She doesn't cry. I mean she does, but only for a tantrum. This was not a tantrum. She doesn't cry when she falls, when she gets hurt. She just gets up and goes on as if nothing happened. Her brother, he cries. If it was him, I would have told him to grow a pair.  But it wasn't B. It was M. who was crying.  And pointing to her little wrist.  As the doctor said, when she landed, she "squished" her bone, and resulted in a torus fracture. Not fractured in the normal sense, but squished. Of course, there could also be a hairline fracture...not sure until more xrays.  The original diagnosis calls for a splint for one week...not sure about the latter. I guess we will find out on Wednesday when we see the "orthopedic tramautology" doctor. 

Not that the splint has slowed her down or even fazed her.  The next morning, she still climbed right out of the crib to entertain her brother. And she is still climbing everything and running around!  And she did not really cry once we got to the ER.  Such a trooper...